As parents age, parent-child role reversal often occurs. It could be difficult for parents to accept dependence on their children for daily activities that they were once able to independently carry out.
As the child, you may feel overwhelmed and emotionally exhausted with the process of this transition into being their caregiver. Further challenging is when you realize that your parents have different care needs.
When parents require different levels of care, it can be hard trying to balance these circumstances. For example, what if Mom has dementia and needs to move into a memory care community? What is Dad to do?
This is similar in some ways to a divorce. However, in this instance, both parties typically want to be together, yet the separation is necessary to maintain their health and safety.
With the separation, feelings of loneliness and social isolation can arise.
The following are ways to help support a healthy relationship and quality of life for both parents despite their change in environment.
1. Create a schedule.
A schedule offers routine and structure and will not only benefit your parents but also you. It can help ensure that each parent doesn’t go too long without a family member or friend visiting. Make time for Sunday brunch, biweekly game night or a monthly movie marathon. If a loved one doesn’t live nearby, then schedule virtual visits where the possibilities are endless.
2. Plan for transportation.
Transportation may be required for various reasons such as taking one parent to visit the other, doctor’s appointments, shopping/errands, etc. It’s often difficult to arrange for last-minute service, especially if both parents require transportation on the same day.
Consider creating a schedule of availability with other loved ones willing to help drive each parent. You could also hire a private companion or care aid who can come spend some time with your parent(s) as well as drive to necessary appointments.
For other options, see “Get Connected” in the Guide to discover local resources that can help.
3. Take advantage of technology.
Smartphones, tablets, computers and more allow the opportunity to interact with people even when they’re not physically nearby. With apps such as Zoom and FaceTime, you can quickly connect with loved ones via video.
If your parents aren’t tech-savvy, walk them through the process and show them how easy it is to reach their spouse and other loved ones whenever they desire.
4. Encourage a healthy lifestyle.
A positive aspect of living apart is that each parent may have more time to focus on themselves. This offers a wonderful opportunity to build good habits that promote happiness. For example, Mom can enjoy Zumba and chair yoga at the community while Dad sharpens his golf or tennis skills at home.
As a result of working on themselves independently, they can cultivate their own strengths and be a better team when they’re together.
5. Communicate frequently.
Check in often with each parent to see how they’re doing both emotionally and physically. Consider that your parents may not want to burden you and voluntarily come to you to voice their thoughts.
Try asking yes or no questions like “Do you like how often you’re seeing Mom/Dad?” or “Are you happy with your current daily routine?” to help determine if things need to be adjusted.
Creating a standard of open communication can increase the level of comfort and their willingness to share any concerns.
Transitioning from levels of care can be physically and mentally draining for everyone involved, but with the tips we’ve outlined and a support system in place for both parents, it should make this phase easier.
Remember
Prioritize your health and well-being too. Taking time to refuel will allow you to continue supporting your parents through this new turn in their journey.